The End: how Europe turned me into a ball of anxiety but at least I had some good pastries

The morning we headed home from Switzerland, I got a text message from the person watching the dachshunds for us saying that not only did Milly have worms, but they also had enough fleas for her to not be able to sleep because of how many times she’d been bitten and we should probably find a hotel for the night because she needed to tear the place up to try to get rid of them.

This was obviously not welcome news. 

Dallin had seen a flea on Joey a couple weeks earlier and we messaged their owners to inform them and ask for their recommendations since they didn’t have their dogs on flea prevention. We picked up flea collars, which seemed like a reasonable option at the time as we weren’t sure how big the problem was. 

Teddy had woken up one morning with about 15 bites all over his head and I panicked–not knowing if they were fleas, mosquitos, or bed bugs (Dallin’s worst fear)--and also felt bad that Teddy was bearing the brunt of the bug attack. There wasn’t really much to do besides stress-google various kinds of bites and useless things to do about them. However after the dog watcher ended up with a bunch of flea bites, I’m going to assume they were also the perpetrator against our poor baby’s head. 

Anyways, this left us really not wanting to come back from Switzerland because the Berlin apartment was apparently flea ridden and fun fact it was another 99 degree day without AC. We ended up staying at a hotel a couple blocks away from our apartment back in Berlin as the dog watcher went into intense flea-cleansing mode (bagging up and washing literally every piece of fabric in the apartment including all the pillows, wiping all hard surfaces down with various oil vinegar sprays, setting off a flea bomb, etc). We ran over to pick up some clothes for the next day and it looked like a war zone. Seeing the apartment in a state of chaos made me wonder how we were going to survive another week and a half there.

Back at the hotel we ended up calling United using my dad’s special help number to see how much it would be to fly home a bit earlier. It ended up not costing too much, so we decided to change our flight home from Saturday to Tuesday.

Making this choice should have been easy considering the stress of the fleas and the general sense of homesickness I’d been feeling, yet the post-phone call left me crying on the bathroom floor in the dark in our hotel room while trying not to wake Teddy. 

I had this overwhelming and irrational sense of failure—like I’d set out to run a marathon and then realized I wasn't actually fit enough for that so I moved the finish line up a few miles. I know a few days isn’t a big difference, but it felt like so much in the moment (both the relief that would come from being home a few days early and the guilt of cutting my time in Berlin a few days short). 

One of the really hard things about being abroad so long is that I feel like I have turned into this ball of anxiety that wasn’t part of me before this time. The weight of decision making for our family fell especially hard on me as this was my fellowship that brought us to Germany and I was the German speaker and thus default communicator to the outside world. There were just so many new stressors—getting up early with Teddy who decided 5am was his favorite wake-up time + climbing down a ladder from our loft bed at 2am for a nightly Teddy feeling , making sure the dogs had enough time outside, cleaning up their accidents inside even with enough outside time, deciding what to eat and not having a microwave to easily reheat leftovers, figuring out transportation, feeding Teddy both milk and solids, trying to get my own research work done (which was predictably difficult with a less regular schedule), dealing with bugs, slowly going insane without AC during heat waves…

I’m not sure why my anxiety was so bad in Berlin, and I’m not sure if that anxiety is a part of my Bloomington self now too, or if just being in new places with a baby strapped to me will forever mean anxiety is strapped to me too? 

Changing our plane ticket made me feel a bit like a fraud as well. I have always wanted to be someone who was well-traveled and someone who loves adventure and new places and cultures. But honestly one of my favorite parts of traveling is coming home because of the sweet relief of lying down in your own bed knowing where all your things are. So admitting I’d rather be home in Bloomington than in Berlin felt like admitting to myself that at my core I’m someone who craves the familiar rather than the restless wandering soul I want to be. 

Anyways, all these thoughts spiraled down on me on as I sat on the bathroom floor that night, but the next day things felt so much better (as they always do). I was happy with the choice to come home a few days early and we went back to our Berlin apartment to help put things together. The physical action of washing, cleaning, and moving things was actually pretty empowering for me and I felt totally capable of finishing the week (which included a nice trip to the aquarium with a visiting friend and a truly lovely visit from my high school exchange partner and her boyfriend, who both live in Munich).

A lot of terrible things happened in the US while we were gone that made me think maybe we shouldn’t live in America if we’ll have to worry about things like our kids getting shot at school + women’s reproductive rights and medical decision-making (not to mention the monetary costs of medical care), a failing reckoning with racism and mass incarceration, the apparent uncertainty of marriage equality… But for every political thing that frustrates me about America, there is no denying I love living there. Is it just because it’s the place I know best? Maybe. By no means is the US better than every other country out there. But maybe I have never felt more patriotic than seeing the Manhattan skyline and surrounding green when we were flying back from Berlin? 

I do love this country.

O America, land of soft toilet paper and plentiful AC.

What else do I love? 

I love many things about my life that aren’t particular to America, but they all happen to be there right now, so maybe my patriotism is also tied up in the life I have been offered in the US—our lovely home and big backyard, our dog, family close by, community we’ve spent time building, getting to go to grad school and have funding to do so. 

The flight home was long but Teddy was pleasant enough so it was okay. We made it back to Bloomington and everything wasn’t as perfect as I dreamed it would be, but the sweet relief of sleeping in my own bed was still incredible. Everything smelled mustier than I imagined and it was also greener than I remembered. 

Humid as hell, but Bloomington’s home.

And I love it.

Miss Swiss

We made one last Europe trip before heading back, visiting Basel for a few days before heading back to Berlin.

Why Basel, you may ask? Isn’t that a 7 hr 36 minute train ride from Berlin and aren't there cooler places closer?

Yes the first questions and it’s all relative to the second. We booked our trip to Basel back in May when my boss (someone I do research for on the side) was planning on being in Basel for two conferences. I’ve done all of my work for him remote for the past three years, so I was really excited to get to meet him (very cool and impressive human–his website is a little out of date in that he’s now doing a postdoc at Stanford in bioethics/genetic research). However, because summer travel has been cursed by some very angry gods, his flight from San Francisco to Europe was canceled at the gate, the day of his departure. It was too complicated to try to rebook, so he ended up not being able to come at all (and presented remotely at his conferences). Really disappointing, but that’s the way summer travel has turned out for so many people!

So we still ended up in Basel (just Kevin-less) and it was actually a really nice time still. I’m glad we took the trip overall. I did not feel that way on our train ride out (or maybe even on the one back) as Teddy decided that he no longer likes sleeping on trains because there is way too much to see and way too many strangers to try to win over by being the cutest, smiliest baby ever. He did so well sleeping on them when we were gallivanting across Europe back in May, but that was two months ago when he was still taking 3 naps (we’re down to 2 now). He’s apparently both out of practice and way more social than he was then.

By the time we made it to our hotel, Teddy looked a little like he did that very first day in Berlin being super jet lagged. He fell asleep while nursing and so I put him to bed, only to have him wake him screaming in distress and confusion about where he was 45 minutes later. It took him a good long while to calm down and finally sleep. And then he woke up at 4:45am, which has been his recent favorite time to wake up in Europe for the past month no matter what time he put him to bed. Joke is on him though because both Dallin and I fell asleep before 9pm the night before because we were also exhausted and were thus mostly rested by 5am. The only other time Dallin has gone to bed before 9pm in all the time I’ve known him was our very first day in Berlin, so you know we were pooped.

You’ve probably heard about the crazy heat waves affecting the UK, Spain, and France. We got a little taste of it too and the highs were between 95 and 100 degrees F while in Switzerland. I had booked us a hotel with an outdoor pool when we booked our train tickets a couple months ago, but upon closer inspection earlier last week we noticed this hotel did not have AC. I had terrible flashbacks to past sleepless, hot nights in Europe without AC, knowing I would pay any amount of money for an AC unit. Dallin quickly found a place not only with AC but closer to the city center and we canceled our original booking and made a new reservation. I honestly think this set the tone for the whole trip because every time we returned to our blessed cool room after being outside, the instant relief from the heat made me want to cry tears of gratitude. 

Day 1 in Basel included lots of walking around, climbing up one of the main cathedral towers, complaining about places being closed on Mondays, and eating expensive but tasty Flammkuchen (it seems that most things are expensive but tasty here?). 

Here are some sample English Teddy got while there:

“What a beauty!” (woman in a very British accent who sat next to us for 4 minutes in the train from German Basel to Swiss Basel)

“He’s happy to have chocolate!” (woman in a New Jersey accent as we bought Swiss chocolate and Teddy flirted with other people in the store)

Day 2 in Basel included an impromptu morning trip to the charming city of Colmar, France after we realized we could get there in 45 minutes. We had about an hour to run around with Teddy, buy 8 different pastries from 2 different pastry shops+macrons from a cookie shop, and take pictures because WHAT A CUTE LITTLE DOWNTOWN. Colmar makes me understand why some Americans think Europe is like Disneyland and forget that people actually live there. 

We also visited the Basel art museum and ate at a nice brasserie that was considerate enough to be open at 4:30pm because every other restaurant seemed to not serve dinner until 5:30pm, which is approximately when the wind-down needs to start happening for Teddy. 

It was hot (did I already mention that? Because it was quite hot). Basel has a lot of neat little fountains throughout and we saw dozens of people just submerged in them. I put my legs in one and it was amazingly cooling. 

We are back in Berlin until heading home next week—Details of the last days along with some unexpected stressors will be featured in my last blog post about this summer venture coming soon to an internet link near you.

I also wanted to spotlight the treasure that is the German drogerie dm. It’s like 80% CVS and 20% Target (in that many of them also sell some baby clothing). I’m obsessed. This is one of the stores (maybe THE store) I’ll miss the most. I’m an even bigger fangirl after this most recent trip because I was particularly aware of how baby-friendly they are. The one closest to our house has a nursing corner at the back of the store, some toys out for children to play with alongside their baby clothes selection, and a changing station, complete with different size diapers and everything. If every store had something like this, it would be a game changer–just an easy way to take away some of the stress of taking your baby out in public. 

Nearing the End

Our time remaining in Berlin is short and both Dallin and I are feeling very ready to be back in our Bloomington house (and see our Bloomington dog, who requires much less labor than the two dogs we are taking care of here). I’m in this constant mental battle of trying to appreciate this time abroad and counting down the days until we get home. We have about two weeks left and I’ve finished the to-do list I made while here, so I’m torn between creating another (short) to-do list and…well, simply not. 

We hit up several museums over the past couple weeks–when in Rome, right? Berlin has around 170 museums, so it is of course impossible to visit them all while here, but we’ve gotten in a good dozen or so. 

The Jewish Museum has been one of my favorite museums we’ve visited. The architect of the museum (Daniel Libeskind) said in 1998, “The official name of the project is ‘Jewish Museum’ but I have named it ‘Between the Lines’ because for me it is about two lines of thinking, organization and relationship. One is a straight line, but broken into many fragments, the other is a tortuous line, but continuing indefinitely.” The bottom floor feels very abstract in its ways to honor those who were murdered in the Holocaust, and then you move to some general Jewish German history on the top floor, and then you end with the “memory void” (because what can come after the Holocaust?). 

I paired with visit to the Jewish Museum with a visit to an undergrad seminar at the FU discussing Holocaust poetry (featuring Paul Celan’s “Todesfugue” and Nelly Sachs’s “O die Schornsteine”--which are two of THE poems of Holocaust). I bring this up mostly to share two comments from undergrads giving short presentations on the poems. 

1. “The Holocaust changed the lives of those of those survived.” (yeah no duh sherlock)

2. “Nelly Sachs talked about Israel because Jews wished they had been in the country of Israel instead of Europe during the Holocaust.” (even though the state of Israel wasn’t established until 1948?)

We also made it to the Pergamon, where Dallin fan-boyed over the many examples of cuneiform (the earliest writing form) and we both gawked at the Pergamon Altar from the second century BC. 

Teddy has become quite the connoisseur of fine things between old temples and small palaces. 

We toured the Charlottenburg palace on the west side of Berlin and it was lovely. I had originally intended for us to just walk around the grounds, but Dallin rightly suggested we go inside. I especially loved the interior of the new wing and found myself wondering if I could ever mimic any of the styles for my own future home/palace (spoiler: I cannot).

During one of Teddy’s 3-hour wake windows, we squeezed in a very quick trip to Potsdam. We just walked around and ate ice cream and baked goods before needing to catch a train back, but it was still a nice outing.

Food has been both a great part of a traveling and a great source of anxiety for me. Teddy took a while to warm to solids (namely he has strongly resisted eating anything besides bread until recently), but I still took on the burden of trying to get him interested in various foods for a half hour twice a day. That has gotten better, which is a relief since he’s coming up on 9 months, but somehow it has also been difficult to feed myself. Both figuring out what to make for myself at home and making food choices when we’re out and about have brought me greater anxiety than food has ever before. This has resulted in me eating something quark-based (a yogurt-like substance), fruit, or chocolate for meals more than I’d like to admit. 

Anyways, I also hate talking to strangers generally. My little brother made me go through my first drive through when I was a senior in college and it was terrifying. The first time I ordered pizza (also in college), I started by asking “Do you sell pizza?” And all that stress comes after you’ve already made the decision of WHERE to eat. Anyways, all that to say that I had yet another panic attack when we struggled to find food and Teddy was also hungry but I couldn’t find a place to sit to feed him and we were turned away from our favorite pizza place and after finally finding a place that looked decent (some Georgian street food) I tried ordering food and the food stand people only spoke Russian. It’s kind of funny now, but all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe and started crying and well...yeah. Life is sometimes like that.

The easiest food decision of the past week was eating pizza twice because turns out I love European pizza and also I’ve been chasing the perfect margherita pizza ever since a transcendent experience in–you guessed it–Niagara Falls (long story…actually wait, no, that’s basically the whole story). One of the pizzas delivered, the other was still good, but more of an excellent cheese pizza than margherita. 

Oh, also PS one month ago we also went to the Berlin Zoo. 

You’d think this wasn’t noteworthy since I didn’t bring it up for an entire month, but they had pandas there and that was pretty neat. I simply forgot until now that this happened because, well, it’s just hard to keep track of everything when you're a living being.

COVID and Travel

Turns out Dallin coming back from Hungary with COVID made it really easy for both me and Teddy to get sick as well, so we all spent a week at home with the doggos. Fortunately, Dallin’s test came back negative the day I tested positive, so at least we had someone who could run out to get supplies for us.

I didn’t get too sick in that I mostly just had some body aches with a fever and (later) some congestion. I actually thought I had mastitis AGAIN, which I was a bit panicky about because I’d told myself that if I got mastitis for a fifth time, I really should stop breastfeeding. Also I did not have easy access to more antibiotics. But as soon as I thought about stopping breastfeeding, I got really sad and realized I wasn’t emotionally ready to stop, even if it kept making me sick. So I was SUPER glad to find out it was not mastitis, though yeah, also very bummed I tested positive for COVID after having avoided it for two and half years of a pandemic.

Way worse than my own body aches (which I could treat with tylenol) was seeing Teddy get sick, even though it didn’t last very long for him. One afternoon after a walk, he very suddenly spiked a fever of 104.9 and I flew into a panic thinking our baby was going to die in Germany and it was my fault for dragging us here. I rationally acknowledged that babies get sick literally all the time and usually don’t die in this day and age from a fever. We still called our pediatrician (and PA brother-in-law for good measure) to get some advice (namely: keep him hydrated+baby tylenol). 

He woke up basically every half hour that first night and felt so hot every time. When morning finally came, he just kind of looked dead inside and his eyes wouldn’t focus on me or anything and he just wanted to be held. He is usually such a smiley, active boy and it was heartbreaking to see him be this sick shell of himself for about 40 hours. His fever broke that second night and it was so relieving to see him giggle and coo like normal the next day. He was basically fine after getting over the fever, though he also seemed to have lost his voice a little bit (did someone say old man coos?).

One of the big bummers about getting COVID was that my brother Taylor was supposed to come visit us last week and I was worried about the timing after testing positive. He booked a hotel for the first couple nights he was supposed to be here, just in case our symptoms were still bad. However, my 5 days of quarantine technically ended the first full day he was supposed to be here and I was feeling much better by then, so we thought it would work out. Taylor had two academic conferences in Europe with a few days in between them, so he had arranged to stay a few days with us. 

You have probably heard about or experienced the massive flight delays and cancellations going on due to staff shortages all around the world (is now the right time to become a commercial pilot?!?). Turns out COVID was the least of our concerns because Eurowings kindly canceled his flight the day before he was supposed to leave without rebooking him. So he rebooked independently to arrive on Friday instead of the original Thursday. However, his flight on Friday was so delayed that his 2.5 hour layover in Cologne was too short and he missed the second leg of his flight to Berlin. He stood in line for 6 hours at the airport to try to get things sorted and though unable to get him on another flight, the airline did get him to a hotel by midnight and pay for him to take a train from Cologne to Berlin the following day (Saturday). 

We finally greeted Taylor Saturday late afternoon instead of Thursday night. We were really happy to have him here, even if it was for a much shorter period than expected. He babysat for us so we could go out in the evening after Teddy had gone to bed and we took him on a short Spree River cruise where I received an excellent sunburn, to the Berlin Wall memorial which is pretty close to our house, and to a flea market. It was a whirlwind, but nice to have another visitor!

Leipzig and Solo Parenting

 Dallin spent a week in Hungary so it was just me and Teddy and the dog(s)--Milly stayed with another friend for a few days so I just had one dog for most of the time, which was helpful with my first solo-parenting venture. When I was out attempting to walk and occasionally jog with the baby and both dogs, I felt a little bit like performing an act in the circus and resisted the urge to yell at passersby “throw me another!” to see if I could manage a second baby or third dog in the chaos called “afternoon walk.”

Before Dallin left for Hungary, we finished the final season of The Office. I know I’m a decade late to the party, but I had only seen the first few seasons up until this point. I was not emotionally prepared for how that final Pam and Jim arc would wreck me–when Jim is starting this business in Philadelphia and Pam is doing this one-woman show taking care of the family and still working in Scranton and doesn’t want to move and so then Jim returns to Scranton full time and she feels guilty for him giving up his dreams for her but  Jim tells her she is everything to him? Yeah, oof. Wept like a child and I am tearing up writing about it right now. 

Also before Dallin left: For all the traveling and all the running I’ve done, somehow I’ve never managed to run a race in another country. Fortunately I got the chance to cross that off my bucket list because the Free University held a campus run as part of their Sommerfest. I picked the 5k option and ran it in 24:13, coming in 10th out of 200 women, so I was pretty happy about that. The race was also really well done—live music at the start/finish, lots of cute, encouraging signs along the way, a disco party in one of the tunnels near the end…it was super fun! My only complaint is that it was pretty hot (the race started at 5:15pm), but that part made me feel a little bit like I was back in high school cross country. Dallin and Teddy were troopers and came to support me even though it meant Teddy didn’t get to bed until 7pm (bless his little early-sleeper heart). 

We had some very hot days in Berlin, but fortunately the humidity was low so it didn’t feel as oppressive as the Bloomington summers I’ve grown accustomed to. Honestly, getting out of Bloomington for June and July was a big reason for coming to Germany. However in Bloomington we have the bonus of air conditioning whereas everywhere in Europe still lives under the impression that it’s better for your health to not have AC in your home (though many businesses and hotels have AC and all trains and hospitals…so it is possible). I thought about going back to the pool in our neighborhood on one of those really hot days, but when we walked by it was crazy packed and I wasn’t sure I was mentally capable of handling that many people by myself. So I gave Teddy a cool bath and he still had a good time. 

I celebrated the longest day of the year sans Dallin. The official sunset was 9:33pm with a sunrise at 4:43, though it starts getting light around 4am and isn’t really dark until after 10pm. So even for the mornings when I get up around 5am or 6am, the sun has already had time to get up pretty high in the sky. I think sometimes we forget how far north most of Europe is (Italy is at about the same latitude as New York). 

I got it in my head that having Dallin in Hungary was the perfect time for me to visit my friend Selina in Leipzig. So I did not only my first solo-parenting week at home, but I also squeezed in that little trip. Somehow I schlepped us all there without many issues (or really any issues? Thankfully one of the least eventful train rides so far). Teddy started getting his two front teeth over the weekend (!) and he was a little fussier than normal, but I finally scored seats in the Kleinkinderbereich, which I’ve seen every time we’ve been in a train and openly coveted because it’s a private space with its own door and has lots of cute kid-friendly things. Apparently this got me an “in” with the other parents too because these were the first trips where I’ve had very long conversations with other travelers. Teddy made another small friend on the train ride to Leipzig. His new friend generously shared his trains with Teddy (Teddy found it much more fun to chew on said trains than drive them). One of the topics of conversation with another mom was if it was true that America didn’t offer long maternity leave and what women do with their young babies when they go back to work and if there good child care systems and also what about breastfeeding? I verified the system was severely flawed and praised the German system where women and men are guaranteed one year of paid leave and an optional second of unpaid leave. 

Leipzig was a dream. I’d honestly forgotten how much I liked the city and while a bit sad Dallin didn’t get to go with me, I’m really glad I went and got to take Teddy. My main reason for going to Leipzig was to visit my favorite German librarian friend, but I got a bunch of extra perks from the trip too. We spent an afternoon at a little on-person library Selina manages and had a great time reading (and chewing on) books. It was also really neat seeing so many people come in. I don’t visit our public library very often, so I loved seeing what an integral part of the community this little library played and how many free things it offered. Plus it was fun to see Selina in her element and Teddy is just starting to enjoy his books. 

Because it was almost 100 degrees when I left for Leipzig on Sunday, I assumed it would stay warm. I was very wrong and brought all the wrong clothes for both me and Teddy because it dropped down to the 50s for the next day and a half with some very chilly rain/wind. Teddy took it in stride though and insisted on kicking off the blanket I brought in solidarity, trying to tell me he didn’t care if his feet and legs and arms were cold if mine were too. I took Teddy jogging with me and that went pretty well aside from me feeling bad that he was undoubtedly a bit chilly. Our second jog was to the Volkschlachtdenkmal, built in 1913 to commemorate 100 years since the Battle of Leipzig when Napoleon was defeated (the beginning of the end for him, so to speak). It was a really bloody battle with more than a half million people there and over one hundred thousand dead. The monument itself is large and solemn, as is fitting.

Teddy and I spent time in the city center, went to the Lukas bakery three times (I fell in love with their salmon sandwiches and strawberry pudding plunders) and also consumed a large amount of ice cream in the rain. Obviously it was a good time. 

The Leipzig respite was a definite highlight before returning to caring for the dogs and Teddy in Berlin. Though a bit overwhelmed, I managed and was so happy when Dallin came home this morning. This happiness was interrupted upon Dallin testing positive for COVID, which we are still figuring out how to handle. 

City of Stories

I kept thinking I needed a few days to recover from everything that’s been going on in our lives, but I have realized that I am simply in a constant state of recovering from being alive. 

The narrative of our lives is the story we write each day. We never put down the pen and sometimes it feels like I haven’t finished processing the last paragraph let alone this last chapter before another is unfolding. Who’s to say what the whole looks like and how we keep up with it all? 

We finally made it to this giant bookstore I’ve been wanting to visit (Dussman–Das KulturKaufhaus). I would have loved to have spent all day there. Several floors to browse,  an extensive children’s book section+cute children’s reading nook, all the things people who love words and are trying to raise a German-speaking child in the US could want. A part of the story that made me happy this week.

We also visited the Berliner Dom, which is my favorite building in Berlin. I’m not entirely sure why—it could be partially sentimental reasons (I think it was my first out-and-about-experience in the city back in 2013) and partially the colors and architecture (even when under construction). Teddy didn’t like the view as much as the one in Graz, but it was still quite nice. 

Being the proud, temporary owners of two dachshunds has come with its challenges. We absolutely adore Joey, who is apparently known as “the gentleman and the scholar” to his family. We have seen him catch 4 flies in the house and even though he is definitely the lazier of the two dogs, he gives his undivided attention to watching Teddy eat (and patiently waits for cleanup duty). It’s been a little challenging getting Teddy interested in solids, so it’s nice that at least someone is invested in his foods. Milly is much more hyper, but lacks the patience to watch Teddy eat. She also lacks the patience to sleep herself. She kept us awake several nights while whining and howling in the living room, desperately begging us to come out and sleep next to her.

She’s gotten better and more settled over the past couple of days, but it was a bad enough time to send me into a sleep-deprived spiral looking up the cost of plane tickets to home early. I was in a strange mix of being happy and homesick for most of the week–treasuring this unique experience with its different sights, smells, sounds, and tastes while also missing our dog, our house, and our backyard…lots of the little daily living things that are just so much more convenient and comfortable at home in Bloomington. 

A last highlight from my week was riding my bike to visit someone out in Marzahn. Google Maps told me that it would take an hour to get there with public transit, or an hour to bike there. When I lived here as a missionary in 2013-14, I loved biking all over the eastern half of Berlin (I fondly referred to my bike as my wild stallion). So for old time’s sake, I decided to bike. The Australian family we’re renting our apartment from left us bikes to use and the bike I used was just a little too tall for me, but it still worked out. It really was a brilliant bike ride. Perfect weather, longer than expected, lots of Soviet-style housing…all the nostalgic feels for my East German soul.  The visit with my friends was also lovely–she’s a 90 year-old woman living with her 57 year old son with cerebral palsy. She was born in what is now Poland, was a refugee after the war and lived in an old sheep stall while her family patched together a new life. I love hearing old friends’ stories with new ears. 

I thought that I might have had some unpleasant memories being back in Berlin since serving as an LDS missionary here almost a decade ago. My mission itself was both great and terrible, and my beliefs have changed a lot since that time, so I wondered if I would at least have some cognitive dissonance being back. However if anything, I’ve been reminded of how meaningful my time here was. As a fairly sheltered and somewhat self-centered 20/21 year-old, I had a difficult time adjusting to my new life in Germany. It wasn’t until I got to Berlin that I really started to enjoy my time, in large part because of the relationships I developed here. Being back in this city of stories has simply reminded me of how important relationships are, that in the end it should always be about experiences with people. 

Berlin is a city of stories. The narratives we live and those we tell each other are what make our lives understandable, even as we struggle to keep up. 

Hamburg und Hunde

 This week’s briefing is brought to you by our guest writer, Baby Teddy. 

Turns out they make dogs in different sizes. We had two dachshunds join us this week and apparently they are here to stay for the rest of the summer. I think they came with the apartment rental? I made a deal with the dogs where I’m allowed to touch them as much as I want as long as they are allowed to lick my hands and face after Mom spreads various pureed fruits, vegetables, yogurts, and grains on my body. Some of it ends up in my mouth too, but I don’t think that’s breaking my bargain with the dogs. The dogs sleep even more than I do and are very cuddly, so I think it’s a net positive to our household. 

Mom insisted it was important for us to visit Germany’’s three largest cities, so we completed that list by spending a night in Hamburg this week. Trains have been my favorite part of our Europe life so far. There’s a lot to see out the windows, everyone smiles at me, sometimes I meet other babies, and I consistently nap well in Mom’s lap despite otherwise being generally unwilling to nap on-the-go. When we visit new places, we go out exploring for a couple hours and then head home to nap. We always meet the nicest old ladies, and some of them are so excited to meet me that they grab my feet in glee.

Mom and Dad try to get me into bed not too late, which I appreciate. I tried keeping track of all the cool cribs I’ve slept in, but unfortunately I cannot count past eins at this time. The crib in Hamburg was exceptional. It even came with a little book about Fußball and a tiny pillow. It was located in what looked like a freight train filled with shipping containers and made me feel very cozy, though Mom and Dad were a little more hesitant about the aesthetic. Mom’s favorite part of the shipping container was the magical standing shower that had excellent water pressure and hot water. She seems to be over the whole sitting/kneeling for lukewarm showers in Berlin. Mom and Dad haven’t prioritized bathing me since we left Bloomington, so I don’t really mind either way.

 

I liked Hamburg the best out of the three of us. The harbors were fascinating and I adroitly navigated an old Soviet submarine while strapped to Mom’s chest. She bonked her head a couple times, but I wasn’t as clumsy. I expressed my satisfaction by yelling in excitement and kicking my legs into Mom repeatedly. It was pretty cold in Hamburg, which made Mom and Dad a little grumpy. It made me feel like a true seafaring baby–I think I’d like boats just as much as trains.

Another favorite part of Hamburg for me that was a lowlight for Mom and Dad was being carried up and down some very steep, narrow wooden stairs in my stroller. I felt like a true king and was not at all concerned that either of them would stumble despite the sharp stair angles. For some reason, we only went up and down those stairs once, but it was a place I’ll never forget.

I have a lot of adoring fans in Germany at large, but my #1 fan from Tübingen came to see me this weekend. I wooed her as a newborn and now I have a lot of new tricks, so I was happy to show her how much I’ve grown and all the noises I can make. She took me swimming and I’m not sure if there were more people crammed in that pool or in your typical afternoon subway car. It was pleasant, but a bit overwhelming, and I fell asleep immediately upon being put in my stroller–something I have resisted doing up until this point (mostly just to show Mom and Dad that I’m the one in charge).

I met a couple of Mom’s friends in Marzahn and despite offering them my best smiles, they did not share any of their ice cream with me. Let the record show that I resent that. Chances are good I would REALLY like ice cream if someone would like to help me try it. I finally got to hear Mom talk German with people who aren’t me, but everyone chatted too quickly for me to get what was going on. I decided to spit up all over Mom as a way to try to get them to talk more slowly.

We also visited the three exhibits currently on display at the German Historical Museum. I learned a lot about Karl Marx, Angela Merkel, and Richard Wagner. I got to see lots of photographs of Angela Merkel from the past thirty years and Mom got a little weepy because Angela Merkel is on her short list for most important leaders of the past century. I was a fan by the end of the exhibit too. 

Mom and Dad both did a lot more work from home this week than I was used to. Mom had some online meetings and did some writing and reading while Dad graded a lot of student papers and virtual presentations. He gave me some good tips for organizing an essay, which I’ve tried to apply in this guest post. I hope I still remember how to correctly cite sources by the time I actually have sources to cite, as well as what counts as a peer-reviewed source. Having both of them work more wasn’t too bad–I was happy to spend time rolling on the ground with my dog friends and yelling at my toys. When Mom and Dad weren't working, we went on some walks with the dogs to the Humboldthain park nearby. Even though I haven’t complained about the many loud cities we’ve been in, I really like the park and how quiet and green it is. There are lots of dogs and families there. I’ve heard enough Turkish that sometimes I forget that’s not one of the languages I’m trying to learn right now.  

I’m still happiest when I go to bed before 6pm and even though the sun rises around 4:30am, I generously sleep in until around 6am. Despite Mom’s worries about disrupting our family life to come here, I’d give it all a 10/10.